KISMET

i came out of work at 10:45, waited 10 minutes for a ride, saw Joanna outside, and got home at 11. I havent seen her in so long. She came over with her sister, and we three just talked. I felt awful during a moment. Then we made prank calls, and they left at 1.

today i realized that waiting so long for him..its so crazy.

i mean i dont take shit from anyone. i don let people take advantage of me.

but him.i fucking gave him everything.everything.why am i still invisible to you. 7 years i waited to be with you.for a whole year we’re together now, why am i still invisible to you.why cant i tell you my secrets.why cant i tell you that i fucking hate it when you talk to that katherine bitch or that sarah skank.is it because i love you?

honestly, i dont know what to fucking feel. its pathetic. IM pathetic.

and yet i cant leave you.i dont want to.the thought of us breaking up murders me little by little inside.the thought of you saying the same shit you say to me to another girl, but meaning it more, fucking destroys me.

why cant you say i love you, with a fucking meaning.

you said it first, took it back, then said it again.

you humored with me and fucked with me so many times.

i honestly hate you.i fucking hate you.

you’re this cocky asshole.

i honestly love you.i fucking love you.

you kill me so much, i fucking love you.

you make me feel every fucking emotion.

like i said. its all 50 50. balanced.